Peacemaking and Home Schooling
This article originally appeared in the HomeSchool section of Crosswalk.com and is reprinted by permission.
"Make every effort to live at peace with all men." Hebrews 12:14a
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
by Annette Friesen, Home School Specialist for Peacemaker Ministries
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As Christian home schoolers, my husband and I take seriously God's call to live at peace with others. We always have, but it hasn't always been easy. When Rick and I began home schooling in 1984, pursuing peace with those who wanted to make home schooling illegal—or at least very difficult—led more often to adversarial relationships than it did to peaceful ones. Over the years, however, we have seen the tables turn. Through the efforts of many, home schooling is not only accepted now, but often we are considered some kind of saint for having the patience and fortitude to stay home and teach children all day!
And yet our responses to those who question our home schooling can still be adversarial in nature. Home schoolers are wonderful and unique, but perhaps the long years of battle have left us more willing to fight than to pursue peace. I have seen this tendency in myself! Even though all our home school battles are not yet won, we can choose to see our home schooling differently. In Second Corinthians Paul says, "And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore ambassadors for Christ" (2 Cor. 5:19b-20a). As ambassadors for Christ who home school we can deliver the gospel of peace. We can do this by learning to respond to our conflicts biblically.
As people reconciled to God by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we believe that we are called to respond to conflict in a way that is remarkably different from the way the world deals with conflict. So begins the "Peacemaker's Pledge," which beautifully states a Christian's commitment to being a peacemaker. (For the full text of the Pledge, click here.) So I have to ask myself, how do I respond to conflict, and is my response a Godly one? If I am to abide by I Corinthians 10:31, doing all to the glory of God, are my responses doing that? Or are they simply an attempt to serve myself instead. When I evaluate my typical response to conflict, I must admit I serve myself more often than glorify God, and I realize the need to know how to respond to conflict in such a way that God is glorified.
In order to learn how to respond to conflict biblically, I need to understand what conflict is. In his book, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande defines conflict as "a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone's goals or desires." This definition includes large conflicts like lawsuits and the little conflicts we encounter every day.
For example, in my own life the adversarial approach reasserted itself the other day when I caused a conflict with Rick. We were having a small support group leaders meeting. As we were finishing it, Rick, who is our organization's president, mentioned that due to the time we would have to forgo what I was going to say (which could have waited and wasn't that important). He had previously told me that this might happen. Yet, without thinking, I jumped up and asked him, "May I have a few minutes?" Without waiting for an answer, I began talking. I was so focused on what I wanted to say that I didn't give any regard to his leadership or his desire to finish the meeting. Our desires had become diametrically opposed.
Later Rick confronted me with this and I reacted defensively, justifying my action and even pointing out some of his faults, as if this would strengthen my case. But instead of bringing about a reconciliation, I escalated the problem. God worked on my heart, though, and I was humbled to realize how I had violated Philippians 2:4—"Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I had only been concerned about achieving my own desire and had not given any thought to Rick's interests. It was not easy to confess to him what I had done without excusing it, and to ask his forgiveness, but as I revealed honestly to Rick how I had not put his interests first, had dishonored him and God, Rick immediately forgave me. I was humbled by Rick's forgiveness and grateful to God that through obedience to Him, I had peace with my husband.
The Peacemaker's Pledge continues, "We also believe that conflict provides opportunities to glorify God, serve other people, and grow to be like Christ." Focusing on these opportunities is very reassuring. God has a plan for each conflict if we will trust Him and follow His instructions. We can begin by choosing to respond to all our conflicts biblically. To see what this looks like, read Peacemaker Ministries' simple "Four G's":
- Glorify God - Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will seek to please and honor God.
- Get the Log Out of Your Eye - Instead of attacking others or dwelling on their wrongs, we will take responsibility for our own contribution to conflicts.
- Gently Restore - Instead of pretending that conflict doesn't exist or talking about others behind their backs, we will choose to overlook minor offenses or we will talk directly and graciously with those whose offenses seem too serious to overlook.
- Go and Be Reconciled - Instead of accepting premature compromise or allowing relationships to wither, we will actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation.
The Peacemaker Pledge ends this way, "We will remember that success, in God's eyes, is not a matter of specific results, but of faithful, dependent obedience. And we pray that our service as peacemakers brings praise to our Lord and leads others to know His infinite love." Whether our conflicts arise at home, in church, or in the community, whether they are home school-related or not, we have an opportunity to be ambassadors for Christ with the message of reconciliation. I am committed to responding to conflict biblically. Will you join me?
Annette Friesen is the Home School Specialist for Peacemaker Ministries, an international ministry committed to equipping and assisting Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically. Rick and Annette graduated all three children from home schooling. They have been support group leaders, convention coordinators, and served on three state homeschooling boards. Rick and Annette currently work for Peacemaker Ministries and make their home in Billings, Montana.
This article in its entirety may be photocopied, re-transmitted by electronic mail, or reproduced in newsletters, on the World Wide Web, or in other print media, provided that such copying, re-transmission, or other use is not for profit or other commercial purpose. Any distribution or use of this article must set forth the following credit line, in full, at the conclusion of the article: " © 2005 Peacemaker® Ministries, www.Peacemaker.net. Reprinted with permission." Peacemaker Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time.
Updated 2005.
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