By adopting relational commitments, every church has an opportunity to clearly articulate the biblical principles that guide its relationships, to reduce its exposure to legal liability, and to establish a legal ability to exercise appropriate biblical authority over members and non-members alike.

Given the legal and practical importance of having clear governing documents, it is essential that a church carefully set forth in writing all of its key governing and relational policies and practices. When doing so, it is wise to include a clearly articulated theological rationale for practices and policies that may be controversial in today’s culture, to show that they are based on the church’s sincerely held religious beliefs.¹

Typically, churches have addressed these issues solely through their governing bylaws. Relational Commitments provide a way to meet these goals that is far more user-friendly and approachable.

Even the best of church bylaws almost always fail to address crucial relational issues that can lead to devastating conflicts or legal liability.² These issues include:

• conflict resolution and lawsuits against the church,
• marriage and divorce,
• preventing and responding to sexual abuse,
• biblical counseling,
• confidentiality, and
• accountability and church discipline.

Each of these issues is specifically addressed in the model Relational Commitments document provided in the Supplemental Materials binder (and CD) contained in The Leadership Opportunity. This document is the key to obtaining informed consent to these crucial practices within your church.

Although each of these commitments could be established as a bylaw, Peacemaker Ministries recommends that they be organized in a separate document outside your bylaws, which is referred to within the bylaws. This approach can simplify your efforts to educate your people and obtain informed consent on these issues. A separate Relational Commitments document provides four benefits:

• It prevents these important concepts from being buried in and obscured by the more general governing provisions of your bylaws, thus increasing the likelihood the people will actually read and understand them.
• It presents these concepts in a more personal and appealing form, thus increasing the likelihood that people will have a positive impression when they first see these commitments.
• It provides a simple and winsome way to let visitors know how the people in your church love, encourage, support and minister to one another; this may lead visitors to think more seriously about joining your church.
• It allows you to present these concepts to attenders and let them know that these commitments apply to all the people who regularly worship in your church, whether they are members or attenders. In other words, a separate Relational Commitments document, properly used, can help you to obtain informed consent to your practices from every person who regularly attends your church, regardless of whether they become formal members.

(1) Adapting and Adopting Relational Commitments

Any church may use the model Relational Commitments. Since these Commitments may affect important spiritual, ecclesiastical and liability issues, however, Peacemaker Ministries strongly recommends that they be used only by churches that have conducted a church-wide teaching of biblical peacemaking principles through the materials in Peacemaker Ministries’ Peacemaking Church Resource Set and The Leadership Opportunity resources and have consulted with a local attorney about modifying the Commitments to satisfy local laws.

Churches are free to adapt these Commitments to fit their particular polity, traditions and convictions. In general, there are at least different three ways that these Commitments could be revised and officially adopted by a church.

1. First, if church leaders believe they have adequate authority, they can revise and adopt the Commitments on their own authority. They can then present them to the congregation as a binding statement of church practice.
   
   
2. Second, church leaders could revise the Commitments and then present them to the congregation for discussion and further adaptation. Once there is general support for these concepts, the congregation could be asked to approve a bylaw amendment that authorizes the leaders to adopt, revise, and implement the Commitments. The bylaw could read as follows:

   Relational Commitments: The elders are authorized to develop, amend, and implement biblical Relational Commitments pertaining to peacemaking and reconciliation, preserving marriages, protecting children, biblical counseling, confidentiality, accountability and church discipline, and other relational issues. These Commitments will guide and govern relationships among both members and attenders of our church, and are incorporated into these bylaws by reference.

   The advantage of this approach is that leaders can make future refinements to the Commitments without having to come back to the congregation for approval each time there is a change. (To maintain informed consent, the congregation must be informed of any substantive changes, however.)

3. Third, church leaders can revise the Commitments and then present them to the church for discussion, further adaptation, and official adoption by the congregation. Formal adoption can be accomplished through a congregational vote that is recorded in the Minutes or by amending the bylaws to include an appropriate reference to the Commitments. This bylaw could read as follows:

   Relational Commitments: Relationships in the church will be guided and governed by the biblical principles set forth in a document entitled “Relational Commitments,” which is incorporated into these bylaws by reference. This document establishes our commitments related to peacemaking and reconciliation, preserving marriages, protecting children, biblical counseling, confidentiality, accountability, and church discipline. These Commitments shall apply to both members and attenders of our church, and may be amended from time to time in the same way that these bylaws may be amended.

   The disadvantage to this approach is that future revisions will take more time and effort because each will require a congregational vote. The advantage is that the congregation is likely to have a stronger sense of ownership in the Commitments. Commitments adopted by a congregational vote might also carry more weight in some courts. For these reasons, Peacemaker Ministries recommends this approach as the best option of the three.

(2) Applying Relational Commitments to Regular Attenders

Most leaders realize that they can legitimately approach a troublesome attender and encourage repentance through personal and private conversations consistent with Matthew 18:15. If such conversations are unfruitful, they could take the process to the Matthew 18:16 level by involving two or three others in private conversations with a recalcitrant attender. But if that does not resolve the problem, leaders face a major dilemma.

Some churches have initiated formal corrective discipline and proceeded to “tell it to the church” (Matt. 18:17). Publicizing personal information without informed consent, however, can expose a church to lawsuits resulting in substantial damages awards. ³

The more typical response is to quietly and privately urge the attender to find another church. This may be an appropriate response in some situations, but most of the time it inevitably perpetuates the attender’s sin and exposes another congregation to his harmful beliefs or behavior. This can have grave consequences when the attender has a pattern of spreading gossip or sowing discord, sexually seducing others, or defrauding people financially.

Certainly no other pastor wants to have such people walk into his church unannounced. Therefore, no pastor should willingly turn such people loose on other churches (Matt. 7:12). There are two complementary solutions to this problem. The first is to actively encourage people to “stop dating the church,”⁴ to make a formal commitment to membership, and to expressly submit to your bylaws and Relational Commitments.

The second part of the solution is to obtain from regular attenders “implied informed consent” to your Relational Commitments. Implied informed consent means that a person has implicitly or indirectly consented to something by virtue of his conduct rather than by an explicit statement or signed document.⁵ The first step in securing this type of consent is to have your church officially adopt the Commitments. After your members have reviewed, discussed, and officially adopted the Relational Commitments, you will need to follow up with attenders to ensure that they understand that the Commitments will apply to them as well if they continue to attend your church. One way to do this is through a follow up letter to attenders that explains your church’s adoption of the Relational Commitments.⁶

Through the letter you should draw existing attenders’ attention to the two paragraphs at the end of the introductory section of the Commitments:

We encourage you to expressly embrace these Commitments and formally join our church by going through our membership class, acknowledging your faith in Christ, and signing the Church Covenant provided at the end of this document. If you are not yet prepared to become a member, we hope you and your family will continue to worship with us, enjoy our Sunday school, find fellowship in a small group, and call on our leaders if you need counsel and support in difficult times.

If you choose to continue relating to us in any of these ways without joining the church, we will assume that you have consented to these Commitments, which will guide our relationship with you. (See “A Tale of Two Families” to learn why.)⁷ As followers of Christ, we will do all we can to encourage you to grow in faith and godliness and to live a disciplined life that honors our Lord Jesus Christ and enhances the witness of our church.

These paragraphs put current attenders on notice that even if they do not become members, their continued attendance at your church will be construed as implied informed consent to your Relational Commitments. In other words, if at this point they choose to continue relating to you, they will be expected to respect and abide by the same relational guidelines that apply to all of the other people who engage in these relational activities.

You can enclose a response card along with your letter and ask attenders to send it back to the church to acknowledge their receipt and understanding of the Commitments. This signed card can serve as important evidence of informed consent. Church leaders can follow up with personal calls or visits to attenders who fail to return the card and may have specific questions or concerns about the Commitments.

The final step in this process of obtaining implied informed consent is to develop a consistent process to ensure that new attenders are personally introduced to your Relational Commitments after they have had time to enjoy your church and form some personal relationships. It would be especially helpful if they go through a small group study or Sunday school class on biblical peacemaking, which would give them an appreciation for the principles underlying your Relational Commitments.

As part of your normal visitation process, a leader would schedule a visit to explain your church’s vision, mission, membership policies and Relational Commitments. The attender should be given a copy of the Commitments. The leader can highlight the biblical basis for each provision and the benefits your church experiences by following God’s principles, and answer any questions. He or she can then invite the attender to formally join the church, and point out that even if he does not join, the Commitments will apply to him if he continues to attend your church. The attender’s response can be noted in writing on the response card. This can all be done in a positive and winsome way by emphasizing the biblical principles and benefits that are set forth throughout the Commitments document.⁸

If you adopt this approach, it is essential that you keep detailed written records of all the steps you’ve taken to inform attenders of your Relational Commitments.⁹ Ideally, this would include records of the following documents and activities:

• your original Relational Commitments and any subsequent revisions;
• the initial sermon that introduced your congregation to your Commitments, along with a detailed attendance roster for that day; if that is feasible for your church;
• the letter used to mail copies of the Commitments to all members and attenders who were not in attendance that Sunday, and a list of all people in that mailing;
• any presentations or discussions of the Commitments in any small groups, along with a list of the people who attended those small-group meetings;
• personal visits by church leaders to attenders, along with a copy of the specific statements leaders made to inform attenders that their continued attendance would be interpreted as implied informed consent to the Commitments;
• signed cards that indicate attenders’ response to the Commitments; and
• annual follow-up sermons reminding people of your congregation’s continued affirmation of these Commitments.

It is important to realize that implied consent is not as sure a defense as explicit consent, simply because it takes more effort to prove that an individual actually received, read, and implicitly consented to your policy. (A signed membership covenant is a much simpler means of proving informed consent.) Even so, implied informed consent can still be the key to dismissing a case or winning a lawsuit if an angry attender threatens to take you to court for carrying out biblical discipline.

There is one other important benefit to giving visitors and attenders a copy of your Relational Commitments. As you may have noticed, the Commitments are written in a way that will appeal to people who are looking for a church that puts a high priority on honoring God and fostering healthy relationships. The Commitments clearly indicate that your church is dedicated to promoting peace and reconciliation, preserving marriages and preventing divorce, providing solid biblical counseling, respecting confidences, protecting children from abuse, and using loving discipline to restore people who need help to break free from sin.

These are values that many people are earnestly looking for in a church today. When visitors see your commitment to these values, many of them may decide that your church is exactly where God wants them to be.

Finally, you will notice that the Commitments state that when leaders’ time or other church resources are limited, members will receive attention ahead of attenders (see Gal. 6:10). This policy may encourage attenders to commit themselves to the church through full membership, rather than casually hang around year after year.

¹ You will find this kind of theological explanation and support in nearly all of the model documents offered in conjunction with Peacemaker Ministries' resource called The Leadership Opportunity. Citing biblical authority throughout your governing and relational documents can provide an additional defense against court intrusion into your church governance and practices.

² The issue of marriage and divorce is included in this list to encourage churches to inform members and attenders of the church’s commitment to do all it can to preserve marriages, including exercising discipline when people break their marriage covenant without biblical reasons.

³ See Hester v. Barnett, 723 S.W.2d 544, 559 (Missouri 1987).

⁴ See Joshua Harris’ excellent book by this name: Stop Dating the Church. Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 2004.

⁵ For example, in Smith v. Calvary Christian Church, 614 N.W.2d 590 (Mich. Sup. Ct. 2000), the court found that a member’s continued involvement in the church by attending services and meetings, even after his withdrawal, indicated his implicit agreement to remain subject to the church’s governance, even though he had indicated that he had withdrawn his membership.

⁶ See The Leadership Opportunity Supplemental Materials CD.

⁷ “A Tale of Two Families” is a parable at the beginning of the Commitments that is designed to help attenders understand why it is appropriate to expect them to abide by the same Relational Commitments that formal members have affirmed.

⁸ Detailed guidelines for these visitation meetings, including suggested questions and discussion points, are provided on The Leadership Opportunity Supplemental Materials CD (see “Obtaining Informed Consent from Attenders”).

⁹ If this process seems too burdensome, you may of course decide not to apply your Relational Commitments to attenders. If so, you should develop a specific, biblically defensible alternative plan for dealing with attenders who are caught in sin or undermining the well-being of your congregation. Quietly asking them to leave and impose their problems on another church is not biblical (Matt. 7:12; 18:12-14).