STEP 1: Make sure you are prepared to respond biblically
By using the resources available through this web site, many people find that they can resolve conflict and reconcile relationships without additional assistance. These powerful tools for assisting and equipping Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically give you the opportunity to study God's Word and apply it to the very conflict situation you are facing.
Resources on this web site
In this foundational peacemaking resource, Ken Sande describes the powerful biblical principles you can use to resolve conflict. Download Chapter 1 for FREE!
Resources you may order
STEP 2: Go to the other person to work it out
When you have a conflict with another person, Jesus says that you should go to that person and try to work out your differences personally and privately (see Matt. 5:23-24; 18:15). You can do this by applying biblical principles of confession, confrontation, forgiveness, and negotiation (for a detailed description of these principles, click Foundational Principles).
If repeated efforts to resolve a dispute in private do not succeed, the Bible teaches that you should seek assistance from other Christians in resolving the matter through biblical conflict coaching, mediation, or arbitration. This is discussed in Step 3: Take one or two others along.
STEP 3: Take one or two others along
What are my options for getting help?
If you need help from others, there are four different ways for them to be involved--conflict coaching, mediation, arbitration, and organizational conflict intervention. Follow the links below to find out more about each type of assistance.
There are several sources of these types of assistance. You may choose to turn to a trusted friend or church leader, a Certified Christian Conciliator, or a member of the Peacemaker Ministries staff for conflict coaching. Because our Lord Jesus Christ entrusted the ministry of reconciliation to the local church, we believe that your church is usually the best place to begin seeking assistance.
Getting help from my church
The first place you should look for guidance and assistance in resolving a dispute is within your own church or local Christian community (Matt. 18:16-20; 1 Cor. 6:1-8). People you could approach for assistance include a spiritually mature friend, an elder or deacon, or your pastor. Your church may even have an existing peacemaking team. If you cannot find someone in your church to help you, you could also look to respected Christian leaders in your community.
What if my church is not prepared to help me?
Please encourage your church leaders to view this web site (especially the sections on The Peacemaking Church, Resolving Conflict through Christian Conciliation, and Helping Others Through Conflict) and to consider getting trained to serve your church in this essential shepherding and discipling ministry.
Even if your church does not engage formally in a peacemaking ministry, you may still find help from spiritually mature individuals in your church. For conflict coaching, it is important to seek godly counsel from someone who knows God's Word and will speak the truth to you in love. A good conflict coach will also help you avoid gossip and slander and encourage you to look at your own contributions to conflict before you decide whether and how to confront the other person.
Getting help from a Certified Christian Conciliator
Peacemaker Ministries has trained many qualified Christians who are available to help many people in the midst of conflict. These individuals have completed the training, experience, and accountability requirements necessary to earn the designation Certified Christian Conciliator.
Click here to investigate getting help from a Certified Christian Conciliator in your region.
Getting help from Peacemaker Ministries
Please click here to see the process for getting help from Peacemaker Ministries.